Loo

Where to begin.....



I haven't said this publicly in blogland but I am moving. Actually let me correct that.... WE ARE MOVING. Yes, you heard it here first (or secondly) LJ and I will be co-habitating. This has actaully been a long time coming but something have changed around here that gave us (me) the final kick to do it. *Edit: We moved, this post has been sitting in draft so long that the move happened Sunday last week!*



Last October I was actually looking to buy a home of my own. I had a real estate agent a pre-approval and MLS lists all over my desks at all times. Then there was an announcement of a merger for the company I work for and it scared me. This isn't my first time at the rodeo. Since I've been with the company I've gone through 5 mergers and 4 relocations (in less than 6 years). Whenever I hear merger my initial thought is "Oh crap, who's getting laid off?" In this case my initial thought was "Oh crap, I can't buy a house anymore!" And I was right. I could have... but it would have sucked and I would be broke with all the changes in income that came with the turn of the economy and merger. I think it worked out for the best because I would have been settling for what I could afford vs. what I wanted vs. what we could afford and vs. what we both wanted. My bf owns his own business and I didn't want to come with empty pockets to the table when we got married.


LJ is expanding his business (yes, even in this economy) and needs to be close to his office at all times because he runs the show. I currently live 15 miles from him and work an additional 35 miles the opposite way. So the compromise? I move closer to him/his office. Weird right? He moved the office to be close to train station for (for me) and all the house stuff will be taken care of. So dinner will be made when I get home, yay! The house cleaning stuff is already being taken care of except for certain things I like to do myself. I've made the drive already and its actually about 90 miles to work roundtrip because I take the least trafficy way. I will be on the train by next month at the latest.



About the house.... We are moving into a real house which is nice. I live in a duplex and having the adjoining wall is a bit much. The new house is a 3 bed, 2 bath with a pool, jacuzzi and a built-in bbq. There is also a flat-screen outside you can watch from the sitting area and the jacuzzi which I think is cool. We also purchased a projector for the family room this weekend and are looking for a 100" screen. The house is mostly unpacked except for the important things like the guest room. The guest room also doubles as my closet/craft area which I am super excited about (or will be at least once its all set up and have all the furniture in.) We have people coming out TOMORROW and I still haven't finished the room. Oops!

I will have pictures of the house up hopefully sometime next week once all the boxes are moved out of the way and I still need to buy a lot of decorating stuff. My walls are pretty barren at this point and the kitchen looks like Christmas sort of. We will be painting to say the least. Oh and of course I will show everyone the new home for the shoes!

So who's coming to visit me and the pool?

Oh and I keep running into Larry King in the parking lot next to work... is that weird?

My therapist isn't on vacation....

but I am totally feeling mental today. I see her tomorrow but I am deep into my emotions today. I don't know if its all the booze I've consumed for the last couple of days or if its the fact that Aunt FLO is due to visit, I am just not feeling right.

There's a lot of things that have been floating around lately that I haven't talked about. One of them being my mental health is running amok again and I don't want to deal with it. I take that back. I don't want to be medicated. I know that it would be the best thing for me and it would solve a lot of my other issues that I have going on, its still just scary you know?

I keep asking why can't we fast forward life for a couple of months to just to through the rough spots. I know why. Because thats how we miss the good that would have came with the rough and worse thats how you just fast forward to another rough patch - we can never tell what's really gonna happen.

One of the few things I have going for me is that at least I know I am loved.  I am grateful for that. 

It's Not a Quarter Life Crisis...

I think it's more of a quarter - life turn. A lot of things have been buzzing around my head lately with my upcoming birthday. I will be the big 2-5 on Wednesday. I've been having my own internal pressures of "what am I doing in my life?" along with LJ and my mom.

So here the deal... a lot of things have to change for me to be ultimately happy. Work wise, I think it's getting stagnant. Better, I am getting stagnant. A lot of people who do my job actually stay here forever. That's not for me. I think I want to stay doing the same thing I do just not in the same industry. There are certain aspects of my job that I truly enjoy like the personal interactions, the numbers and even a little bit of the stress. I am not happy unless I am really busy. At the same time I question the fact if that is a true statement or if it's just something I have lead myself to believe b/c of the way I live my life. I have accepted the fact that I am always busy not necessarily that I always like being so busy.

The other thing that has been looming over my head is this whole college thing. Anyone who doesn't know my family directly doesn't know that: a) I am one of 2 people on both sides of the family that speak English (the other being my brother), b) I am the only one that actually finished high school (in the states or abroad), or c) I am the only one who has even attempted college. Not to say that I am a total slacker and that I went one semester and dropped. I think I am on that 10 year now changing into a 12 year program. I started when I was 16 and have been going part time ever since. On and off. I have been off for almost 2 years now. You don't even realize that you get off track for so long. Life gets in the way with having to support yourself sometimes your education gets put on the backburner. So for the summer I am not going to school ( I did that and hated every second of it) but I am going to take a fun class like dance or calligraphy just to get the mental juices flowing and being back on a set schedule. In the fall I will take one "real" class just to get me warmed up for whatever I decide to do for the spring.

Ideally, there would be a way for me to have a job that would work around my school schedule that didn't pay minimum wage. I think that's the hardest thing to come to terms with. Most people go back to school b/c they need a better education to get more money. I've cut my expenses so low that I could probably live off of a student salary. Do I want to? No. I already make decent money doing what I do. Getting a degree would make no difference.

There are good things coming within the next couple of months that are fun and exciting, but I have a habit of posting the things that are making my head first vs. the things that give me butterflies. Next post. I promise.

So happy Birthday to me on Wednesday. 25 here I come!

I'm not Jerry McGuire, I hope

I don't even know if I spelled the name right. I have been under a lot of stress lately with things that affect me directly. I am worried that I am gonna stay up one night and write a long book of gibberish and distribute it and walk out with the goldfish. Just sayin'.

I will be back when I can write a coherent sentance or a least pretty bullshit.

*Cheers!*