I didn't know I was related to Jerry Springer

When a sibling of your significant other tells you they want to come visit its normally a good thing right? LJ's sister wants to come visit in a couple of weeks which I am totally cool with. Everyone in the family has given me prewarnings of not getting to close to her because she is crazy as hell. The handful of times I have met her she seems really nice and I don't see any reason why we should have her over.

I know that there is drama going on with her mom (whom I speak with) about her new bf (a guy twice her age), while I don't necessarily agree with her choice of bf, I do understand. I remember being 20 and doing dumb things that seemed like a good idea at the time. Not as far as she has gone but you know enough to understand. From everything I've heard from both sides of the fence the fued is getting pretty nasty and I said to both LJ's sis and mom that I am on the fence and I am not picking sides. I told LJ's sis that if I think her new bf is a douchebag, that's becuase I think he is a douchebag not because of what her mom said.

So lets hope for a happy home full of sunshine and puppies when the time comes.

B/c I am horrible girlfriend and blogger

I finally got all the pictures back from my friends to do a legit birthday/anniversary/confirmation post.... but I don't have them with me. So real pictureless we go. Overall the whole 2 weeks have been awesome. Even with being sick. So sick that I had to go to the ER and get quarentined b/c I might have swine flu. Obvs I didn't. So where to begin....

Thursday the 30th was my actual birthday and LJ made me my favorite meal steak, asparagus and red potatoes followed by a tiny coconut cake.

My birthday and our anniversary is only 7 days apart so I only get 1 gift for both. I think this year I didn't make out too bad.

Friday I got sick all of a sudden made it to urgent care and was told I had a stomach flu. Which wasn't the case but I kept getting progressively worse. Saturday was my confirmation date. For those out of the loop its a Catholic thing where you are seen as an adult in the eyes of the church. Also if I ever want to get married in a catholic church I needed to do this.This is the real church where this all went down.

LJ and I have an ongoing joke about how white-washed I am even though I am actually still pretty close to my Mexican roots. Hell, my parents don't even speak English. I am fluent in Spanish although I do have a thick American accent. I was born in the States. So The weekend consisted of my birthday, my confirmation, a boxing match and Mexican Food. I told him we basically squeezed in all the Mexican for the year into one weekend. All we were missing was a baptism, a communion and a pinata.







Since I was still sick I didn't get to enjoy the festivities as much as I would have liked. I know the tequila flowing around helped get everyone loosened up and some even hooked up. I was dying by about 11 but I know people stayed up till 2AM.







To round up the weekend I ended up in the ER with a 101.6 fever and no real clue what was wrong with me. It ended up being some sort of virus that eventually ran its course.

This post has been sitting in my drafts too long. I will have real posts later this week.

Thanksgiving in the woods - better late than never!

This year for LJ's birthday I actually planned ahead. I bought him tickets to go see his family for a week in the potato state. Compared to last year's fiasco of a 6 hours before the flight I figured this should be easy breezy.

First off when you have way too much time to think of stuff to bring you end up bringing everything but the kitchen sink *even though I considered it*. The flights weren't actually 2 bad. Well, except on the way back when I didnt realize we were supposed to make 2 stops during the flight. I actually brought a nice coat with me this time so I wouldn't freeze my keester off. It was so nice that while I was running across the street on some shopping venture some ladies yelled out to me ask me where I got it from.

You know you are loved when everyone knows that you are eating healthy even through one of the unhealthiest days of the year and they make the whole Thanksgiving dinner out of Cooking Light Magazine." LJ's grandpa almost had a heart attack over the idea but everyone enjoyed the meal. As light as it may have been it was pretty tasty. I had been bugging LJ to take me to Canada since we were already so close but that didnt happen. This ended up being a working vacation for both of us. Not with my real job but with helping the family. We at least got to see everyone in the family.

LJ's sister and I actually got to bond a good chunk of the time I was there. Everyone has made her out to be a super villan but once you get to know her she's not bad. She's a nice girl that has just made a few mistakes. Not saying she has necessarily learned from all her mistakes but she is really young and honestly at her age I hadn't either. So who am I to judge? In all this bonding time with LJ's sis and her mom I tried to get some dirt that I hadn't heard before. Either they were being nice and not selling him down the river or there really is no dirt. The only comment that LJ's sister made was that LJ was adament about not getting into a serious relationship until he was completely financially established *not in the middle of his start-up company*, yet they know he is serious and ready to settle down with me. There must also be some level of trust b/c other information was shared with me about other people in relation to the family that I probably wouldn't have heard otherwise.

Oh did I forget to mention that I went to my first Black Friday sales. Actually not as bad as everyone makes them out to be. Doesn't help that I didnt go to bed till 11pm to get up at 2am. That's what happens when you are out in the sticks. Last but not least I did not gain any weight over the week I was on vacay including thanksgiving and a prime rib dinner. I count that as a success.

It's one way to start a diet

Since Saturday I've lost 6 pounds and counting. New diet? Cabbage only? No carbs, all meat you ask? No! No way to kick start a diet like food poisoning! I don't know how I got it or when I got it all I know is that it's still here. I have wasted a Monday doing absolutely nothing b/c I haven't been able to be away from the potty too long and everything hurts.  I think the only perk I have had is that I have been able to catch up on my feeder. 

As for the weekend... it makes for an interesting ride when you are with 2 guys in a car for 8 hours. Somewhere between the confederate flags and the deer signs and the cow fields I knew I wasn't in LA anymore. LJ called this the drama side of the family and he wasn't kidding. The bride and groom were really sweet. I only wish them a happy life.

When we went to see LJ's family for Christmas last year I was lucky enough to get sick then too. I wonder if his mom ever thinks "this sickly girl".  The more I get to know LJ's mom the more I realize that we think a lot a like. The funny thing is that LJ and my mom think a lot alike too. When LJ went to go run an errand his mom and I touched a sticky subject that I have an opinion on but I thought I was the only one. LJ has a little brother CJ who is a year older than me. He's a nice enough guy gives me a hard time. LJ tells me that its because his little brother is threatened by the fact that LJ and I have such a close relationship.  Anyway CJ has a girlfriend that he has been on and off for 2 1/2 years. His gf lets call her SS is a nice enough girl, smart, pretty. She has been nothing but gracious and kind towards me. The bad thing is that for some odd reason she just drives me up the wall. Maybe it's b/c she is pretentious without a clue. 

When LJ's mom and I were talking she pointed out that she didn't know why CJ was with SS if they will never get married. CJ has told his mom that he has thought about moving back to the Northwest and giving up life here in SoCal. SS has just earned a graduate degree and has stated that she will take a job wherever (i.e East Coast) she can get one. When LJ and I were talking about going up North to see his family and he mentioned CJ was coming and so was SS the first thing out of my mouth was "Why is she coming? It's not like they are gonna be together." LJ has even made comments starting with" I hope CJ's next girlfriend...".  Maybe it's because we are on the outside and not looking in. Then again you never know what goes on behind closed doors .  I really shouldn't care as much, yet I do. It will work it's self out no matter what LJ, LJ's Mom or I think.

They like me! They really really like me!

Before we went to see LJ's family in Idaho for Christmas he knew I was super nervous. Honestly, I have had really bad experiences meeting the parents of significant others. I know most of the reasons behind their not liking me are not my fault (the fact that I am not white, that I came from a working class family that I dug my self up from, the fact that I am not mature enough to handle children that aren't my own), but they still bother me. 

So when it was even mentioned that he wanted me to meet the family instead of being excited I got really anxious. Anxious to the point that I didn't even know if I wanted to meet them.  I think b/c LJ sprung the Christmas trip on me out of nowhere probably helped a lot in the sense that I wouldn't get all worked up before going up there. The trip turned out awesome.

Anyway, I wondered if his family really liked me or if they were just being nice since I was there with their "Golden Boy". Then this week we received a card from his grandma. The card was actually addressed only to me which LJ thought was a little strange. His grandma was talking about how LJ and I met and was hoping for luck for her son.  Along with the letter she sent a religious Catholic Metal and a prayer card. Did I mention his family is super-Catholic and the first thing that came out of his grandma's mouth when she heard that I was too is "Wonderful!"

If they didn't like me they wouldn't send letters after the fact right? Or is it the fact that I sent filet mignon and lobster tails to both parents and grandparents for christmas have anything to do with it? 

Christmas? What Christmas?

So I am not a big fan of Christmas. Haven't been for the last 6 or so years. Why? Did Santa not come one year? Did I gain 10 lbs. from one christmas? Was I the last one to the chocolate box and found that only the (nasty) fruit ones were left? Not so much.

The first year I moved out of my parents house everyone ditched me for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Everyone meaning all of my friends, my family and my then boyfriend. Since then I am normally a grouch about the whole holiday season. Last year was the first year I spent thanksgiving with the family and I think it was still pretty disasterous in the sense of uncomfortable silences and people leaving early because they just couldnt take looking at each others faces anymore.

This year with the family stuff going on my dad is out of town, my brother is not around and well my mom... I will at least be spending part of it with her but even I am not sure how that is going to turn out. The rest of the time will be spent with the boyfriend.

Very few people got christmas gifts from me this year. I have been spending way too much money in general. I got an awesome gift for the bf and I got something for my client. I am still working on my parents and something for one of the girls from work (also now a good friend). I am dreading the whole shopping thing still. The malls are zoos here. Fuck. I don't want to go.

Can we really just pretend Christmas never happened? And never will again?

Final Prayers

So as much as I am trying to be upbeat today, today really sucks. Found out last night that my grandma is on her deathbed. My dad flew down this morning and will be there through Christmas. The prognosis isn't good. They already went to go find the priest to say the final prayers and at this point there is nothing we can really do. I don't even have a passport to fly down there. When my granddad passes I will fly down. The guy I work for asked me how I was doing and I said in a really flat voice that my grandma is dying. I don't even think he heard me.

Oh well, shit happens. *Where's my drink?*

Tear drops on my phone

I wish my teardrops were for something easy like a high school boy crush like for Taylor Swift. Unfortunately, I am an adult *barely, kicking and screaming* and mine have to do with my family. My family has put up a pretty good facade for the last 30 something years and it seems within the last 2-3 its ready to crack and crumble.

My mom and I had a long talk last week *I couldn't even talk about it till now* rehashing some of the past issues deeply connected to me. I found out information that had I been told at the time it was going on it would have made me feel better about the whole situation. To the point where I wouldn't have placed so much blame on everyone involved. There are issues that I know time can't heal. My mom says that I need to get over them so I can move on and not carry so much anger with me. I wish it was that easy. I started seeing a therapist a little over year ago that was spawned from current events in my life. Since my current life is pretty well situated (well as much as it can be) now we have started working back. It's rough. I don't even want to talk about it. Yet I will. Only because I don't want to be angry forever. We both ended up crying over the phone. I am the only child she can talk to.

I wish my family was more open with their problems. They are afraid of what other people will think. If they only knew that they weren't the only one's out there dealing with these issues. That they could get help either from outside organizations or just from family friends. I have a feeling that in later years I will no longer be associated with them. I will lose my last name when I get married and never look back. I can be motivated by a lot of things but no matter what I am losing I think that I will still come out better for not keeping some of the things involved.

P.S. Never tell your kids that they weren't the best kids that they could get. Because a) you have to look at the gene pool they came from and b) b/c they are still more successful than you are by a longshot. Well at least I am. I can't speak for the rest.

She doesn't talk much....

My bf's uncle is a very nice guy but now I think he must be smoking something if he really believes I don't talk much. 98% of my bf's family is out in the middle of nowhere so I have yet to meet them. His uncle is the only one that comes out from the abyss to SoCal so he is the only one that has ever met me. The bf and I have talked about going up there for Christmas but it doesn't seem like that will be the case. Considering it snows, we either were going to do the "white christmas" or now it seems like we will have to wait till the summer/spring to go out again.
Anyway his uncle was telling me how great it was up there and once I go up there I will fall in love with it; and that I will love the family. I told him I hope they like me. He said as long as you talk they will love you.
I do talk! You normally can't shut me up! Sometimes I think I talk just to hear myself talk. They want talk they will get talk. Normally when I see him we are doing some sort of activity and there is a lot of people involved. Sorry I don't always want to be the center of attention *shut up, I really don't*.
Since I saw the bf's uncle I passed him my card to give to the bf's mom so she can help me with the bf's christmas gift. Mind you I don't even know this lady and I am asking for her help. I already have his family's gift planned out. I know we barely had Halloween last week but it's already time to start doing the Christmas stuff. I am working on Christmas card lists for myself, for my clients and for my office. I remember last year I did everyone elses but mine. Here's to me actually getting Christmas done without a hitch! *snort*