Open Letters

Dear Mall,

Last Sunday I was reminded why I hate visiting you. You are crowded and have a lot of useless stores you have people trying to pull you away from the crowds to sell you something useless.  The parking lot is full of people who don't know how to drive, who try to run you over even when you are in the cross walk. With your 5 bajilloon teeny-boppers just taking up space b/c the have nothing better to do on a Sunday night.

Also for letting soccer moms put their kids on leashes. Seriously! It's bad enough that the kids on a leash but the worse part is that she can't even control the kid who is running her all over the place (including into me). A little Dog whisperer anyone? 

With all that said I will do what I have been doing for all these years to avoid the inner hell of the mall.... Go during lunch on weekdays only to the anchor stores. Or not at the mall at all.

Not Loving You,
Shopping Elsewhere

To: All the girls that hang out in the office bathroom

Get a life. We are not in high school anymore. Let a girl drop off the kids at pool in peace.

-Girl  in Stall 3

Note to Self

As your mom told you don't do anything bad that looks good or anything good that looks bad. It normally ends up biting you in the ass. Also, don't do anything that would jeopardize any of your work relationships. You know what you did and look a year later it came back to haunt you not from the direct party involved but a close relation that could have really fucked you.

Really it could all be a hallucination but there is enough guilt there for you to question the whole scenario.

Bad Mel.