I am ready to go to bed. I have a big day of errands planned for tomorrow.
And made me take a hard look at some of the stuff going on.
I AM: A silly girl. Not fully yet a women. Or at least not willing to admit to it. Yet.
I WANT: to do it all. I want the house, the kids, the husband and the career. I want to take care of and be taken care of. I want to finish my degree I want to lose all the "accidental" pounds.
I HATE: Some of the family. Wal-Mart. Egomaniacs. Anyone who purposely hurts me. The time it takes me to drive to work. Really cute shoes that hurt like hell to keep on all day, the fact that I still do. Pieces of myself from time to time.
I MISS: Things I’ve never had. My innocence.
I FEAR: That I am just not gonna make it. Some of my past will come back to haunt me (and/or hurt me). I will not accomplish everything I want to. That what I can't control will tear me up.
I HEAR: Voices. Around my cubicle. At least this time not in my head.
I WONDER: What is really up the road for me. You can plan all you want but that doesn’t necessarily mean that is how its gonna happen.
I REGRET: Letting people get the best of me and leaving me the scraps. Not following through on goals I have set for myself.
I AM NOT: going to be the bottom of the barrel anymore.
I DANCE: With 2 right feet on the dance floor. When no one is looking.
I SING: Like a cockroach dying scratching down the chalkboard on its final trip. I sing in my car a lot. I just have to be careful that I don't close my eyes and get lost in the music.
I CRY: When I am really angry or upset. Crying to me is like internal combustion of anger, b/c it's easier to keep it inside than to let someone really have it. It's a preventative measure to make sure my foot doesn’t end up in my mouth or in someone's a**.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: The best person to turn to for advice. If I can't take care of my own issues, what makes you think I can take care of yours?
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: tickledons. And other tickling dinosaurs. :)
I WRITE: Here and some place else. It helps me deal. I wish I could articulate myself better in my writings.
I CONFUSE: Myself and others. Sometimes its just funny. Sometimes, hurtful. I need to stop.
I NEED: I wish I knew. If I did I would already have it or on my way to getting it. I kid myself and tell myself that I do need that extra pair of shoes.
I SHOULD: Do laundry, start packing, keep planning my move. Get a handle on my emotions instead of letting my emotions handle me.
I START: More things than I can really chew. It hasn't killed me yet, so I am assuming it is making me stronger.
I FINISH: Relationships. Till the bloody end.
Anyway, last night I went out with the group. There was this guy there who I thought was one of the "kids." So I was sitting by the go-karts and he told me he was graduating. So I said, "So what are you doing after graduation?" He said, " I am getting my teaching credential." Strike! Turns out he was one of the staff and he is my age. I thought he was an 18 year old boy. I feel like such an ass telling him about my "senior year."
Tonight was another function sponsored by the same organization. Adults only. Ryan went with me. We had a pretty good time. We were asked if we were dating, and I laughed and told everyone my boyfriend couldnt make it. We were invited to another function that we will probably be going to. We meaning hopefully Aaron, but Ryan said he would be back up. I love Ryan. He is someone you can always count on in your time of need.
After the function we went to my softball game. We lost the game - surprisingly not mercied. Ryan was a breakout hit. He couldn't bat to save his life but turned out to be a pretty decent pitcher. We had a lot of people that I didnt recognize. It was a good time. We have a double header next week and Ryan said he would come out again. Good times! Play Ball!
When we got to the field I saw the Chris the umpire. When I spoke to the last umpire he told me that Chris wasn't with them anymore. So when I saw him I ran up to him we exchanged hellos and we hugged. He gave me a funny look but I couldn't figure out why. Then he said "BTW I am not Chris, but I'll take the hug anyway." Strike. I hugged an almost stranger. I had met him previously but hadn't spoken to him really.
2 strikes one more left. I have one more meeting to go to. Lets see how that goes.
Stolen From: http://www.lasadh.com/
10 years ago: I was in 7th grade. I lived a pretty boring life and I was known as "The girl with the really long hair."
5 years ago: I was graduating high school, somewhat popular. I was in denial about having a crush on one of my college classmates. I was the girl with the "Shaggin'-Wagon."
1 year ago: Almost the same thing I am doing now. Working, same bf, same house, same car. All have progressed, but not much different.
Yesterday: Went Kayaking, had black cherry vanilla shake and called my mother obsessively so I could wish her a HMD.
Today: Daydreaming of doing some more kayaking. Might go do the yoga class. I need the stretch.
Tomorrow: I dunno, besides whatever I plan it normally goes to a hand basket.
1. Who was your first prom date?
I went with my best male friend. I had split up with my high school sweetheart and he didn't have anyone to take since he had become sort of a laughing stock with my core group of friends. Not like he had much play with the ladies anyway. I wonder whatever happen to "Wacky McGee"? If you are still out there, I didn't believe the story then, but I do believe it now.
2. Who were your first roommate(s)?
A crazy guy named Tom and a mellow girl Christy. Lived in Belmont Shores. Oh those were the carefree days.
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink the first time you got drunk?
I don't remember for sure but I have always had a like for vodka and a dislike for (cheap) beer.
4. What was your first job?
Momma Dearest hooked me up with this one. I worked as a file clerk for a small enviornmental company. It was sooooo boring. The one good thing I can say it helped me get my foot in the door to better places.
5. What was your first car?
1986 For Aerostar, Primer Gray. Man, that van had so many stories to tell. It was a hand-me-down from my parents. When I got it it was in pretty decent condititon by the time it died on my 19th birthday it was smoking and had blown out 2 cylinders.
6. When did you go to your first funeral?
Um not exactly sure. I remember I was in the 5th grade b/c I remember wearing my blue uniform to it. It was for somebody in relation to my uncle.
7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
With LA being the sprawling Metropolis it is. I moved to Orange County when I was 19. I had already moved a couple of times in my own city before that move.
8. Who was your first grade teacher?
I don't remember. I remember it was my last year at my 1st elementary school of 4. I remember my second grade teacher was Mrs. Johnson. I only had her half a semester she was jewish and her husband was the computer teacher at the 3rd elementary school I went to.
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
I was only a couple of months old and I went to Mexico to visit family. My mom told me that I got "butt rot" (closest thing I could translate from Spanish) from the diapers down there.
10. When did you sneak out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I actually never snuck out. I was a goody-two-shoes kid.
11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?
One of my longest standing friends is Colin. I have known him since I was 8 on and off. I saw him last week. Susan is my next longest standing friend and I have known her since I was 12 when she moved out here from Arizona. So 15 and 11 years is a good while.
12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents' house?
See #2. Belmont Shores. It was the good life. Crazy as all hell, but the good life.
13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
Aaron. Then Susan. Then my mom.
14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid/groomsman?
Funny, I have never been. Most of my friends had shotgun weddings.
15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Weekend or weekday? Weekday:Turn off my alarm twice. depending on showering schedules take a shower brush my teeth get my clothes on hope I don't trip down the stairs. Do mental check for keys, mobile phone, ipod, security pass and cash. Run out the door. Weekend: Sleep late, goof off on the internet.
16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
I want to say it was a Blink-182 concert. Most memorable around that same time period was 2000 KROQ Accoustic Christmas, 3rd row center. Everclear. I LOVE Everclear!
17. First tattoo or piercing?
I had my ears pierced as a baby but I don't think that counts. I had my tounge pierced for the first time when I was 18 b/c it was the cool thing to do.
18. First celebrity crush?
I actually remember this. Leonardo DiCaprio, first time I fell in love with him was when there was a full page black and white pic of him after "The Basketball Diaries" in Seventeen. Oh I was in love!
P.S. *Kudos to the photographer, great shot.*
19. Age of first kiss?
That I can remember? That would be Barry my 4th grade boyfriend. Well you know as far as bf can get in 4th grade someone to chase me around pull my hair and hold my hand at the end of recess.
20. First crush?
Funny this actually came up a week or so ago. His name was Chris Mandell. He was my 5th grade crush. I remember he was tall (b/c we were the tall kids in the class), had dark hair and light eyes. He moved during fifth grade to Alaska. That was the last I ever saw/heard of him.
21. First time you did drugs?
I plead the fifth. Come on it's Long Beach. What do you expect? Home of Sublime and Snoop Dogg.
It's that I haven't had time to organize my thoughts. I have a couple of things to blog about. Mental list to myself (and others):
My dancing adventures that will end on Saturday.
Myspace picture wars and the insanity of myspace.
Havasu ( I have pictures people!)
Work and Life.
I will get on it I swear!
With all the moving and shaking going on in my work life it has given me a chance to reevaluate some of the current priorities in life. With that said (all this is tentative based on the world not blowing up, no one dying and no other major catastrophes that can be named) we are taking the next step in our adult lives and moving in.
Somehow this decision came at a good time. Aaron had asked me 2 weeks previously to the announcement of the company acquisition. So it doesn't look like I am doing it to save up for "harder times." The one thing I was worried about was if I was going to leave my roommate out in the cold with nowhere to live. Funny thing is that within the last week or so she has stated she hates or job so much that she gave her 2 week notice. In her words, " I can't take the gay hand-holding seminars anymore!" I think its funny (the seminars - not the fact that she hates her job). "Come on Ashley share your feelings with us." LOL! *I even make myself giggle* Good luck Ashley, I hope you don't have to go back to the sticks of Massachusetts.
Aaron is coming out of the film industry. Sorta. He is trying to find a more steady job that is more 9-5 in the same industry. Considering I won't have ties to Orange County anymore we may consider moving into LA. The thought is a little bit rough. I have lived in Long Beach about 95% of my life. I even have a hellish drive to work everyday to stay living in Long Beach. It's not a for sure yet but it’s a possibility that makes me slightly uneasy. If it does happen chances are I will still be driving into Long Beach every weekend.
So what am I gonna be doing while I am unemployed? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I wish! Yours truly will be signing up to the nearest JC and taking on a full course load. I am already planning out my summer session and I think I am gonna kill myself but I might max out and take advantage of the accelerated courses to get a couple of more credits under my belt. The thought of being a full time student again is really scary. When I am working full time, I can blame the fact that I am stressed out about work for crappy grades. If I am not working such a stressful job, then what's my excuse?
Work wise… street performer? Mary Kay Consultant? I don't know which one I would have a better chance at. Actually I am going back to something tried and true (and maybe a little retail - not therapy). Aaron and I were talking about me doing pet photography again. It's something I truly enjoy and the money is actually decent. Hopefully that will work out.
So for now I am enjoying the ride at work and the quite time I get to spend at my house sans child b/c baby get ready life is gonna change like it or not!
Somebody hold me. I'm scared.
For my birthday, my bad 90's - alternative rock - slightly pop - old school wannabe candy kid country hating boyfriend signed us up for country western lessons. I absolutely *~heart~* country. Along with that he bought me a cowboy hat. The hat wasn't very flattering and he was aware that I might not like it (along with the fact that I have a fat head and fat hair) so it just gave us a reason to go back to the Boot Barn. I ended up exchanging it for some really cute shirts.
Anyway, our first lesson was last night and we both had a lot of fun. Our instructor was a charming little fellow who screamed Irish from across the room. He said he had been teaching dance for 40 -something odd years and I actually believed it. When we were watching him while waiting for our lesson he actually floated across the room. He was very patient with us to say the least. He actually got Aaron to stand straight which is a feat of it's own. We did the electric slide and we learned a dance that they do in circle is big dancing places. Yee haw we are on our way to being country! Next lesson is on Monday. I doubt we will ever be featured as best dancers ever but at least we wont make complete asses of ourselves our first time out to Cowboy Country.
I love you Aaron!
For those of you who are unaware my company is part of a beer league. We get together Wednesday nights and swing the bat around. It's a pretty good time. This is my third season playing. I really suck but since we are in a beer league and not a competitive one it is excusable. Beside, I at least show up every game- how many other players can say that? Kidding.
Anyway, our first game was 2 weeks ago. We totally rocked. We won the game 16 to 6. Gave our team a severe confidence boost. Not that we are a crappy team but when you go up against another team that you have never played before, ya know. Unfortunately that was short lived b/c the following week we had our asses handed to us on a silver platter.
Wish us luck next week! We need it!