So last Saturday night/ Sunday morning at 1 am the bf and I head to bed. The following conversation ensues:
BF:I wonder how much tickets to the Idaho are?
Me: An arm and a leg.
BF: Go grab your laptop and lets check it out.
Me: You are on crack.
Me: They are too expensive.
BF: I guess they are. But if we could go what days would you want to go?
Me: Leave Sunday come back late christmas day.
* I fall asleep*
BF: I got tickets!
BF: We have to be at LAX by 7:20 AM.
Because this trip was not planned and you know you don't need planning when you go from Sunny Southern California to just south of the Canadian border. The first thing was "OMG its Cold." I didnt know what to expect up there. BF hadn't told anyone in his family that we were coming up so when we got to his parents house his mom almost dropped the phone she was talking on, his grandma cried and his aunt tried to rile him up by saying "You know it means something when you bring a girl home to meet your family for the holidays."
The next couple of days were filled with lots of family lots of homemade food and lots of drinking. BF's mom was like "you know we normally don't drink every night of the week here, it just happens to be working out that way." BF's dad has his own classic rock band and the last night we were there they set up in the shop and rocked out for us. BF's mom and I agreed that BF's dad was like a little kid at a school recital running around shaking his hands saying "look at me mom! Look at me!"
Since no one knew BF was coming much less me, I could tell that we got some slapped together last minute gifts. It's cool though. I can't blame them, I did get something cool from his mom. She gave me a bar of lotion from Coldwater Creek. His grandma gave me silver earrings and both of them gave me scarves.
Just for the record... his mom made best prime rib... EVER! Also I was running fevers the whole time. I just got a fever blister last night. I also got the stomach flu last night. That was not fun. I've been lightheaded for a couple of days. All this stemmed from the trip.
Before we left his parents asked "So you guys will be up for 4th of July right?"
The first year I moved out of my parents house everyone ditched me for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Everyone meaning all of my friends, my family and my then boyfriend. Since then I am normally a grouch about the whole holiday season. Last year was the first year I spent thanksgiving with the family and I think it was still pretty disasterous in the sense of uncomfortable silences and people leaving early because they just couldnt take looking at each others faces anymore.
This year with the family stuff going on my dad is out of town, my brother is not around and well my mom... I will at least be spending part of it with her but even I am not sure how that is going to turn out. The rest of the time will be spent with the boyfriend.
Very few people got christmas gifts from me this year. I have been spending way too much money in general. I got an awesome gift for the bf and I got something for my client. I am still working on my parents and something for one of the girls from work (also now a good friend). I am dreading the whole shopping thing still. The malls are zoos here. Fuck. I don't want to go.
Can we really just pretend Christmas never happened? And never will again?
Oh well, shit happens. *Where's my drink?*
I know I shouldn't sound so negative and I am truly happy for her, it's just strange. I have been off-kilter in my mood lately.
"There comes a day that you won't put up with cheap wine, cheap furniture
or a cheap gym, has that day come?"
This is what the front of the folder says to the gym I just joined. By doing this I am facing 2 things in my life that I normally shy away from: a) the fact that I am over-weight and b) that feeling I get that I am not good enough to go to the hoity-toity gym.
So why am I putting myself in a place like this? What I learned from Dawn is that you can't run with the turkeys if you want to fly with the eagles. In my business status is everything. Also, said gym is where a lot of people hang out in the business. Not that I really want to meet work people while I am sweating up a storm or gasping for air (depending on the work-out). I still have a little bit of anxiety from coming from a place where I could barely afford to go to a gym to now going to the nicest gym in the area code. I wonder.. can people spot someone who was/is poorer than the rest of them? Like a poordar?
When I went to tour the gym everyone in their seem to be like a size 2. On a fat day. Fortunately this gym has a women's area. Which I think is a good idea but at the same time women are a lot snarkier than men when it comes to appearances. I am the gym people so I can quit being so fat so back off people.
I think the worse part of this whole thing is that I am being so judgemental about myself. I just need to get over it. Wish me luck.
P.S. I am still down the 14 lbs I lost within the last 2 months.
My mom and I had a long talk last week *I couldn't even talk about it till now* rehashing some of the past issues deeply connected to me. I found out information that had I been told at the time it was going on it would have made me feel better about the whole situation. To the point where I wouldn't have placed so much blame on everyone involved. There are issues that I know time can't heal. My mom says that I need to get over them so I can move on and not carry so much anger with me. I wish it was that easy. I started seeing a therapist a little over year ago that was spawned from current events in my life. Since my current life is pretty well situated (well as much as it can be) now we have started working back. It's rough. I don't even want to talk about it. Yet I will. Only because I don't want to be angry forever. We both ended up crying over the phone. I am the only child she can talk to.
I wish my family was more open with their problems. They are afraid of what other people will think. If they only knew that they weren't the only one's out there dealing with these issues. That they could get help either from outside organizations or just from family friends. I have a feeling that in later years I will no longer be associated with them. I will lose my last name when I get married and never look back. I can be motivated by a lot of things but no matter what I am losing I think that I will still come out better for not keeping some of the things involved.
P.S. Never tell your kids that they weren't the best kids that they could get. Because a) you have to look at the gene pool they came from and b) b/c they are still more successful than you are by a longshot. Well at least I am. I can't speak for the rest.
So after telling me that he is getting married he confessed his long time crush for me ever since french toast. *smile* AS and I have been friends for so long that I didn't figure that he really liked me. Especially after calling me his "bratty little sister" for so long. I asked him why he never said anything about it especially b/c at one point I had one on him. He said b/c I intimidated him. Me? Intimidate? he said b/c I have always been very driven it was something that he knew he couldnt keep up with.
Being called driven is one the nicest things that someone can say to me. Just b/c yes I do bust my arse off all day to bring home the proverbial bacon. So when someone can recognize that about me especially when they understand it is outside of my professional life it just means that much more. So then he turned it around me why I never told him. Because I never thought he took me seriously. Come on call me your "bratty little sister" that doesn't sound too sexy to me. Then he went on about how he took me too seriously thats why he could never get the courage to make a move.
Technically he did make a move at one point when for a short time span we were both single. I just didnt follow up on it. I thought it was him just being nice. I am just oblivious sometimes. What can I say?
He said I am going to become a song one day *AS is a musician*. I asked him if it was about the crazy times we had... he said no, I am that girl that he wonders what could have been.
So I get a call from D today wondering what time I get home. Turns out that her BFF needs a place to store her stuff for a couple of days and my garage came up first! So its not really a big deal except for the fact that parking is crazy horrible where I live. The closer to the beach you are worse it gets. So now I know why she feeds me at 11pm when i get home. For my garage. It's okay... I want cookies next.
Speaking of fattening food. I think its that time of year again to join the gym. My last gym membership was a big ol' cluster mess so I am going to have to rejoin. Great. I am looking at 3 different prospect. One of them our vendor goes to for business contacts. Which is an idea but I don't think i can talk figures while I am sweating. The other is a fu-fu gym but at least all the yahoo's are not there and the 3rd gym is the one I used to go to just a different location of it. The one I would be going to is in the middle of a lot of office buildings but I have a feeling it will be packed all the time. Decisions.
We have both admitted that we can't sleep without each other anymore. To the point no matter how tired either one of us is that we drag ourselves to each others houses to sleep in the same bed. Yep, we don't even live together. We do grocery shopping and costco runs together but we don't live together. With his business taking off I know there will be more than a couple of nights a year that he will be gone and I will probably have insomnia. Great.
So for his X-mas gift I am thinking of getting the Stiletto 2 any thoughts anyone?
I put my apartment up for sub-lease / just take it over but all the people that have been interested have been really flakey. I know my apartment is more expensive than the rest in the area. Why? Because it is a lot nicer. Nice cost money. And no I am not making a cent on it. I am just transferring what the management company is charging me. I figure if all else fails I will just wait it out till my lease is up considering I am done in less than 3 months. Then again it would be nice to be in a new place before the new year. Oh well we will see what happens.
I did some major shopping for myself yesterday. Bought 5 pairs of shoes. I wore a pair of them to work today. I actually feel pretty in them. The outfit I am wearing is a little.... whats the word... not as nice, but at least I feel good with the shoes on. Oh and I also bought a pair of jeans, trousers and a cute plum shirt.
I really should be shopping for Christmas stuff. Or for my nephew's birthday present. My mom told me not to buy him anything cheap. Well Ma, as you know I am not in a position to buy anything fancy for him. I will buy him whatever I please. I don't need instruction. Or did you forget I am the best gift-buyer in the family?
Christmas has me all in an antsy. I dread the malls. I am still early enough to buy everything online though. Which I just may especially with everyone offering free shipping. I still hate christmas. I will have to do a seperate post about why.
The only thing I have going right now that isn't causing me any heartache is that the bf and I are still doing really well. I don't want to make it sound like a surprise that it is. I just know how I work and the fact that he hasn't ran screaming for the hills is a good sign. I have been a bit up and down lately emotionally lately *I'm still blaming the PMS* but he has totally been there all the way for me. *smile* I tell him (or I should) sometimes that I wish I had met him earlier in life so I could have saved some time and started my happily ever after a lot sooner.