5/23/06

Dawn this made me think too much

And made me take a hard look at some of the stuff going on.
I AM: A silly girl. Not fully yet a women. Or at least not willing to admit to it. Yet.
I WANT: to do it all. I want the house, the kids, the husband and the career. I want to take care of and be taken care of. I want to finish my degree I want to lose all the "accidental" pounds.

I HATE: Some of the family. Wal-Mart. Egomaniacs. Anyone who purposely hurts me. The time it takes me to drive to work. Really cute shoes that hurt like hell to keep on all day, the fact that I still do. Pieces of  myself from time to time.

I MISS: Things I’ve never had. My innocence.
I FEAR: That I am just not gonna make it. Some of my past will come back to haunt me (and/or hurt me). I will not accomplish everything I want to. That what I can't control will tear me up.

I HEAR: Voices. Around my cubicle. At least this time not in my head.
I WONDER: What is really up the road for me. You can plan all you want but that doesn’t necessarily mean that is how its gonna happen.

I REGRET: Letting people get the best of me and leaving me the scraps. Not following through on goals I have set for myself.

I AM NOT: going to be the bottom of the barrel anymore.
I DANCE: With 2 right feet on the dance floor. When no one is looking.
I SING: Like a cockroach dying scratching down the chalkboard on its final trip. I sing in my car a lot. I just have to be careful that I don't close my eyes and get lost in the music.

I CRY: When I am really angry or upset. Crying to me is like internal combustion of anger, b/c it's easier to keep it inside than to let someone really have it. It's a preventative measure to make sure my foot doesn’t end up in my mouth or in someone's a**.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: The best person to turn to for advice. If I can't take care of my own issues, what makes you think I can take care of yours?

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: tickledons. And other tickling dinosaurs. :)
I WRITE: Here and some place else. It helps me deal. I wish I could articulate myself better in my writings.
I CONFUSE: Myself and others. Sometimes its just funny. Sometimes, hurtful. I need to stop.
I NEED: I wish I knew. If I did I would already have it or on my way to getting it. I kid myself and tell myself that I do need that extra pair of shoes.

I SHOULD: Do laundry, start packing, keep planning my move. Get a handle on my emotions instead of letting my emotions handle me.

I START: More things than I can really chew. It hasn't killed me yet, so I am assuming it is making me stronger.
I FINISH: Relationships. Till the bloody end. 


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