Everyone's Doing It

Seeems everyone and their mom is involved in National Blogging Month. I can' barely keep up with a day in a month versus every day. Anyway, I've noticed that everyone has been telling stories of their past. This is one that came up in conversation recently that I didn't finish b/c it felt really weird telling it to the person I was telling it to.

I had a high school sweetheart that I was seeing from the end of my Junior year to my Senior year in high school. It ended becuase I ended it. Nice guy. Not the guy for me. He love me. I didnt love him. The funny thing is that even though I am the one that did it I was still miserable about the whole thing.

And you know misery loves company. I had already started college when I was in high school during my junior year. I was pretty bored with the high school scene and it was nice to hang out with people more at my level. So 2-3 nights a week I was at the college. I had made a few friends and made friends with friends. I had a friend Kristen in one of my photography classes my first year. The following year she introduced me to her friend Todd. At the time that Todd and I met we were both in serious relationships *well as serious at we could be for that time in our lives*. Then both of our relationships ended at the same time.

For the next couple of months we hung out all the time. I'm talking till 2-3 in the morning talking about nothing and watching movies that I would have never watched on my own. He is probably the reason I can watch independent and foreign films without falling asleep or that I don't only watch crap movies all the time. We never actually spoke of our relationships except to acknowledge their ending. We would go out to dinner hang out at his house or my house. At the time we still both lived with our parents. He went to my high school gradutation. My parents thought it was a little strange that a 23 year old guy was hanging out with a17/18 year old girl. I actually don't think they realized how old he was I think it was just the fact that he was in college and still hanging out with a high schooler. They still really like him, which is a hard thing to say especially about my mom. It was just comfortable.

We never had any kind of romantic relationship, but at one point I actually wondered if it could be possible. I even posed it to him which was a bold move for me. It just seemed like a natural progression considering that guys and girls can never be just friends. I never actually found him physically attractive even though now in retrospect he actually was good looking in a way. Anyway, the day I posed this proposition is the day our friendship went to hell in a handbasket. At the time I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Even now I don't think I did anything wrong I think it was just a matter of timing and the fact that we were really just friends. He just thought it was strange because we had been platonic friends for so long. When all this happened I had barely moved and he came over with a housewarming present. A book. A cook book. I am sure he would be glad to know that I still don't cook but I still have the book sitting in my kitchen. That was the last time we really hung out. I think this was about the time we both realized we had to move on from this little abyss we had created and start meeting new people if we ever wanted to have a shot of a real relationship vs. hanging out comfortably with somone you have no real romantic interest in.

I knew the little bit of... what would you call it... not romantic interest, but .... compatibility was there. Just not us together. Shortly there after he started dating another half mexican/white girl who was a little chubby and a little young. Since we couldn't work out I guess he went to the next thing that was as closest he could find. To this day I still wonder what ever happened to him. His parents live maybe 10 minutes from me and I pass by their house everytime I go to the drug store to pick up my meds. Every once in a while I think of actually stopping in and say hi because his parents were so sweet to me. I hope he doesn't still live there. I mean, he would almost be 30 and still living at home. I would assume he is probably doing well I think he finished his degree in English Lit which doesn't surprise me too much considering that he was kind of a nerd that way.

So if you are out there and you recognize this story about you.... I wish we had stayed friends. Platonic friends. Every time I hear Counting Crows I think of you.